I...

I need to chant... and shit my beads are in my car... I can't deal with this house anymore... this grown ass man being the nuisance he is and causing stress on everybody... Me and my grandma need to leave... we need to get the fuck out...NOW!!!! If there is no way to get him out .. then we need to leave cus this is really no way to live at all.. For those of you who do read my journal... never do drugs.. and never become a nuisance to your family... because there is no future for people who do drugs.. and once you become a nuisance to your family... they'll forget all about u... Cus i wish i could forget out him.. Him is my uncle... He is 39 years old and he does drugs.. not just weed... but everything... he also is a skitzo... he's been doing drugs for about 25 years.. and no matter how many times we have tried to help him... It just won't stop.... it being the maddness and stress and anger he causes my family day after day.... The shit is.. I have to live with him... and his bullshit... I am constantly loaning him money, constantly having to deal with him thinkin he is my father... Just a couple of weeks ago we had to call the cops cus he was gettin an attitude about me coming in late with ron.. He really thinks he runs this household cus he is the only man.. I used to be scared.. but my anger won't let me be scared anymore.. for once I have began to stand up to him because I realize..I am not the young one... he is...if he has to borrow money from an 18 year old and depend on me to bring home food every night.. when he is 39 and he gets 700 dollars a month for doing nothing?!? He should be supporting us.. instead.. my house looks like crap cus he doesn't mow the lawns.. take out the garbage or help out around here.. All he does is eat our food and take our money.. sometimes getting violent if we won't give it to him.... Thats drugs for you...Because of the stress at home that i have.. i have began to do bad in school.. not be able to concentrate.. or even have fun.. I try my hardest to stay away from my house.. spendin long nights at ron's or just driving around.. Most people find comfort in their homes.. instead I have to find comfort in the streets... I hate leaving my grandma here cus she is alone with him and she can't do anything when he starts on his rage....There is no way to stop it.. that is why we need to leave... for those of u who think u got it bad.. u could always have it worse...wayyy worse... Every night i come home to him demandin money or fuckn with me in general... Is this what me and my grandmother deserve? Is this the way we are suppose to live... I feel its just not fair..Maybe i'll go cry... although it never really helps... I feel so empty when i cry.. like i have no heart... I'm filled with so much anger and unhappiness that it actually hurts me to cry...I should be happy.. I am 18.. i am suppose to be having school issues, boy problems and tryin to find a job.. instead i feel like 40 year old with 2 kids havin to support them...zip-pah-dee-doo-fucking-dah! - Q