Quizzes again!!

I'll update when i get back home.. still at ron's house..!!Your Heart is Blue What Color is Your Heart? brought to you by QuizillaMy inner child is sixteen years old!Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but whileadults might just accept that, I knowsomething's gotta change. And it's gonnachange, just as soon as I become an adult andget some power of my own. How Old is Your Inner Child? brought to you by QuizillaI am sooo not 16 anymore.. ::pouts:: THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!well its better than being 45.. woohoo!!lata- Q

quizzes cuz i am bored..

You are Red.Th color of passion. You put your eart and soulinto what you do...or who you do. Red's tendto have one hell of a sex drive. Don't let ittake you over. What Color Best Represents Your Personality? brought to you by QuizillaProstitution?!?! LMFAO!!! Which deadly sin do you represent? (Angel Sanctuary Pics) brought to you by QuizillaYou are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator."And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.She cried a single tear and shed a single dropof blood upon the earth where she buried it.From her blood and tear, the acorn grew intothe world."Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).The Goddess is associated with the concept ofcreation, the number 1, and the element ofearth.Her sign is the dawn sun.As a member of Form 1, you are a charismaticindividual and people are drawn to you.Although sometimes you may seem emotionallydistant, you are deeply in tune with otherpeople's feelings and have tremendous empathy.Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect yourown self. Goddesses are the best friends tohave because they're always willing to help. Which Mythological Form Are You? brought to you by QuizillaYou represent... naivete.So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy attimes, but it's only because you're not surehow to act. You give off that "I need tobe protected vibe." Remember that not allpeople are good. Being too trusting will getyou easily hurt. What feeling do you represent? brought to you by QuizillaI am not naive! I am shy tho.. i guess i answered some ?'s wrong lmao!!!Night- q

I...

I need to chant... and shit my beads are in my car... I can't deal with this house anymore... this grown ass man being the nuisance he is and causing stress on everybody... Me and my grandma need to leave... we need to get the fuck out...NOW!!!! If there is no way to get him out .. then we need to leave cus this is really no way to live at all.. For those of you who do read my journal... never do drugs.. and never become a nuisance to your family... because there is no future for people who do drugs.. and once you become a nuisance to your family... they'll forget all about u... Cus i wish i could forget out him.. Him is my uncle... He is 39 years old and he does drugs.. not just weed... but everything... he also is a skitzo... he's been doing drugs for about 25 years.. and no matter how many times we have tried to help him... It just won't stop.... it being the maddness and stress and anger he causes my family day after day.... The shit is.. I have to live with him... and his bullshit... I am constantly loaning him money, constantly having to deal with him thinkin he is my father... Just a couple of weeks ago we had to call the cops cus he was gettin an attitude about me coming in late with ron.. He really thinks he runs this household cus he is the only man.. I used to be scared.. but my anger won't let me be scared anymore.. for once I have began to stand up to him because I realize..I am not the young one... he is...if he has to borrow money from an 18 year old and depend on me to bring home food every night.. when he is 39 and he gets 700 dollars a month for doing nothing?!? He should be supporting us.. instead.. my house looks like crap cus he doesn't mow the lawns.. take out the garbage or help out around here.. All he does is eat our food and take our money.. sometimes getting violent if we won't give it to him.... Thats drugs for you...Because of the stress at home that i have.. i have began to do bad in school.. not be able to concentrate.. or even have fun.. I try my hardest to stay away from my house.. spendin long nights at ron's or just driving around.. Most people find comfort in their homes.. instead I have to find comfort in the streets... I hate leaving my grandma here cus she is alone with him and she can't do anything when he starts on his rage....There is no way to stop it.. that is why we need to leave... for those of u who think u got it bad.. u could always have it worse...wayyy worse... Every night i come home to him demandin money or fuckn with me in general... Is this what me and my grandmother deserve? Is this the way we are suppose to live... I feel its just not fair..Maybe i'll go cry... although it never really helps... I feel so empty when i cry.. like i have no heart... I'm filled with so much anger and unhappiness that it actually hurts me to cry...I should be happy.. I am 18.. i am suppose to be having school issues, boy problems and tryin to find a job.. instead i feel like 40 year old with 2 kids havin to support them...zip-pah-dee-doo-fucking-dah! - Q

PICCY'S!!!

Yay i got em!! ENJOY!!!-q

Its really funny...

Isn't it funny how people can turn their backs so easily on people who truly care for them... I don't get it...Losers- Q

woohoo!!!!

Well i am finally home after a long halloween night...actually for the time i was down there.. ctf proved to be some fun... played some games and got a lot of looks that i know i deserved lol...This old spanish guy was stalkin me... FUCK! i forgot to take a picture of me in my costume to show everybody.. ok well i will put it back on tomorrow and have ron do it for me.. I think that for once.. even while i'm a lil fat..i felt sexy and that is all that matters....I got to chill with people i don't normally chill with which was very cool :).. I wish i could relive this night so i could get there earlier and have more fun...I am finally learning how to read songs on 1x no mods.. flat... yeah I ROCK! But yeah it was cool today... tomorrow is Ron's lil brothers b-day.. gonna chill out at their house... ron doesn't have to work for the weekends.. which is cool.. cus i actually miss seeing him...kinda good because when u miss someone u love em more.. Its so tru...I wish he could have gotten there a lil earlier so i would not have felt so uncomfy in my nakedness but it was cool and everything still turned out good for the rest of the night...Damn I hope i didn't get Andre home to late =\ ... SORRY ANDRE! Traffic was totally horrific, but we had fun gettin through it... Me and ron will be sure to make u like some DnB cd's so u can get more of a taste for it.. DnB is the best (lol i know andre probably doesn't read this but whatever lol)I am gona go like friend a whole buncha people.. lol my live journal sucks... I will post those pics tomorrow LATA- Q

Love the world? oh please

Hi again... its me... q... i haven't updated in awhile.. hah nuttin has changed really... life still sucks and i stll hate my uncle.. he is really starting to get the best of my nerves and i HATE how he is acting towards me and my grandma.. especially my grandma.. he acts like shit to her.. then complains about her treatin him bad... i wish i had a gun... but i don't want to goto jail... I'm gonna hire a hit man.. i swear to the air... I dunno anymore... its crap...Anyways... me and andrea been searchin for our halloween outfits.. I found a nice one... I am gonna look cool... but ron works and that makes me sad... atleast i can be with him the whole day on saturday...I need a job... i need to get me and my grandma outta here... someway somehow... why me?Man it's cold- Q

:-\

This is fuckin bull shit... the moment he needs something everybody is suppose to get up and start runnin around.. this is the last time he demands shit.. i swear...The nerve of that fuckin asshole.

Cramps Suck!!!

Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!Cramps Suck!!!just thought that everyone would like to know that!

Yeah..

Aww man.. its been a couple of days sinse i last posted in this thing... ahhh its ok.. So yeah i did goto see scary movie.. it was funny but it wasn't worth the time and money... they took the whole scary movie concept and fucked it up.. that is what happens when other people want to take over a good thing... Yeah brenda died and she died first.. that was my bitch... mannn i swear.. what ever.. The next big flop is gonna be the matrix revolutions.. yes it will be a flop cus every 3rd chapter in a movie trilogy usually is... SURE it will bring in millions of dollars.. but it will suck to all hell...ahhh well... Anywayss.. What has been going on in my life?? Nuttin really to tell you the truth...Nuttin I could really scream about .... but it has been a lil better... Alia wrote me back and she might come home early.. she misses NY and I don't blame her... its hard to be away from friends and family... I gotta write her back in awhile... Right now i gotta chillax cus i have cramps...really sucks.. The kittens are walkin.. and now they won't stop walkin... what beast.. and i am not gonna babysit them all night....My diet is coming along and so far i been losing like 3-5 lbs daily... i am on a low carb, low fat diet.. All i really been eating is salad and grilled chicken.. with the occasional pickles, string cheese and low carb foods...I found out that the subsitute sweetener aspartame is not really good for you.. so i started drinkin unsweetened tea and a lot of water.. its cool.. especially when u put honey in the tea... I gotta start makin my aloe tea.. I am takin all these supplements and actually takin a multivitamin and i think its all working.. Plus i work out by playin DDR for 2 hours every other day.. its actually going along good and my pants are like fallin off me every 5 mins lol...So i hope i get this staples job.. they said to wait a week before i get a call back.. and i hope i get one back soonn cus I really want an over night job.. If i had an over night job.. i'd be getting off of work in like 10 mins.. which is good cus u see how awake i am right now... uh huh... I really want that job.. It would be perfect for me.. hehe well I am going to go wrap my hair, lay down and talk to ron so i will write a lil later.Tata- Q

YAY!

She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!She wrote me back!!Ok yes I am a beast. But it feels great! I gotta write her back heheheOK GTG... me and ron are going to see scary movie 3! yayz!-Q

What then? what now?

Last night.. i died... Only to wake up and find out the terrible truth.. I was only dreaming. I dreamed that i had died one night.. I can't exactly remember what it was about.. All I know is that when i died.. it was sorta like I was fell into a dream... A dream of the life i wanted to live.. Maybe it was a coma seeing as how nobody really dreams they are dying unless they are about to. A part of me wish that i was dead.. while another part wishes that I would grow up and live out all my dreams and goals... Then there is another part... reality.... where I realize that a part of me is already dead. Of course I can be brought back to life.. but I can't seem to figure out how to do it.I once told someone that the problem with me is that I always wanted to see everyone else happy, even at my own expense.. Unfortunately, i never really got to find out what makes me the happiest. Everyday it seems like my depression gets worst.. I can't stop eating.. I can't lose weight.. I seem to get outta breath more and more each day... I seem to cry myself to sleep everynight. What is happening to me. I thought I had it bad before.. I can't seem to smile anymore.. and every moment makes me feel like crying. Is this really the way I am suppose to be. Tomorrow I goto withdraw from my classes. I've never felt so bad about doing something.. But i feel so unorganized.. and life sucks so bad that i can't even concentrate on school work.. I applied to three jobs, K-mart, Staples and Toys R us. Neither has called me back yet.. But i really hope they do. Ron got a call back from UPS. I am happy for him.. sorta sad cus he'll be working and I won't.. It seems like the only way I will get a job is if I apply to a crappy ass fast food.. and they probably don't even want me.I still haven't heard from alia.. Its kinda sad that i actually watch the mail.. I'm beginning to try to hard.. I fucked up.. well scratch that.. I was wrong not to send her letters when i wrote them.. Couldn't really get to the post office..But i did what i had to do and made the effort... If she doesn't care that i tried.. well then what can I say.. Its not like i didn't write her at all.. I just couldn't get a flippin stamp. I luv her.. she's my best friend.. but I can't push her.. and I am not gonna spend my days trying to win back her friendship.. I'm done with the days of sidekick Quiana... and nobody is that important to make me beg. Why try to make everybody else happy when I can't even find happiness in myself...I'll keep writing her.. and I hope she gets better.. but if she doesn't wanna write me back then hey.. nuttin i can do..I notice that one by one I am losing my friends..Well my old friends. Just about the only people i care for are ron, alia, andrea and neil cus i can really talk to them.. Alia is so far away tho. But in the long run.. who do i have but myself. I miss my grandma and even tho she is just 2 steps away... I can't seem to talk to her anymore.. I love her sooo much and i really can't think of life without her.. but i really have to get out and live on my own... can't deal with it anymore...The clutter, the mess, the unorganization.... the empitness... the sadness.. the depression...Sometimes you just gotta live life for what its worth.. and when its all over..What then? What now?-Q

Early!

Yeah its like almost 6 in the morn.. i got home at 4:30 as usual.... did some straigtening up.. some washin.. Yeah i was at ron's house as usual... U know i can't stand being here... I started my diet. like really started it today... I think i am doing good.. in the morning I think I will go play DDR for a couple of hours... sinse its a fun way to exercise.. Then go pay my insurance.. the chilax for the day.. Hopefully by next week I will be back to an 18 and steadily falling.. back to a size 12 like i want...I still need to goto the doctor and get checked out... I think all my stress is really taking effect on me... My mind, my eating... my emotions... Agh... i just need to do things on my own foot... I keep talkin about moving with ron... If we get the jobs that we want to, we could be making up to 2g's per person per month... I would like to get a 2 br apt for 800 and work my way from there... I still want to move to NJ in september... but if things go as planned, i should have about 9g's by then saved up and i can chill and goto school. Right now i just want to start my own life.. have my own apt u know... pay my own bills... Don't get me wrong... I will still take care of my grandma... everychance... But i can't live in this crawlhole anymore with this crazy guy called my uncle... everybody needs to grow up sometime and i feel that inorder to be able to live how i want to live, i gotta start makin my own choices. Hopefully in 4 months, I will have the 6 g's i need to move up outta here. Thursday is the day I have to go withdraw from my classes... I hate to do it, especially sinse i was doing so well.. but there comes a time in life when u just need to live your own life for what u want and not what everybody else wants.. I am definately going back to school in sep in NJ... I want to goto this college where they have my program at 66 bucks a credit. I was thinkin of going back part time, next term at a closer college to get back on track for some courses that i need so that could work. I definitely want to move me and my grandma out to Camden... its way nice out there.. and she deserves to have peace and quiet in this time of her life... She has lived her life to the fullest and she deserves time for herself. Anyway I am going to take a quick nap.. I have to goto the bank in awhile... so i will write laterTata- Q

Oh Joy

Well I ave to withdraw from all my classes. Great.. I've been absent to many times per class and it's just not worth it anymore. Why is all this happening to me... Alia has not written me back... but i guess its what i deserve. Last night i talked to Euseff and found out that she has to come home cus her limbs are swollen. That sucks so bad because that just ruins her plans. Why is everything happening like this... Is this the way it is meant to happen? Everything was going great and now... I dunno..I still can't lose wait.. so i've gone to the limit of starving myself. I don't want to throw up every meal but I can't stop eating. I don't have will power for sum reason... I can't resist carbs. So my only other option is to starve myself. People say it makes u fatter... I don't see how it culd make me any fatter. I'm so sick. Mentally, physically. I look at myself in the mirror and cry... I never thought that my weight would make me feel so horrible... And then mentally.. I am so stressed... just being in my house throws me over the top...And now I am not doing good in school... I feel like crying for days... But i hate feeling sorry for myself... Many people would think like... WHY are you so depressed... U have it all. I dunno I just can't be happy anymore.. Where has all my happiness gone and why did it leave in the first place. Last night i applied for K-mart.. probably won't get a call back... no jobs ever call me back.. Why would they want me...I can't do anything good. I need an over night job so bad... I'll take anything but fast food. I want to make enough money so that next september I can move like i want to. Far away from it all. Just leave everybody and be to myself... maybe then I could concentrate. Everybody seems to have their lives together but me. Why is this happening to me tho. Why is it that I am meant to fail... Its not like this is the first time. I could barely finish high school and now i can't finish college before it has even really begun. Whats next?-Q

Boo

Well I just woke up not to long ago... I wanted to go roller skating today... but by the time i am ready and whatnot, the place will be closed... That sucks.. So I am applying for the MTA right..to bad that i have to overnight that app on mon so that it gets there by tues which is the last day!!! And 35 dollars... awww man...I need to get a job. its so serious... I just give up on school... I thought i could so it... yeah right.. life is gettin much harder than i thought it was... And everybody else thinks they have probs. Life sucks...tho i really don't like to think like that... How can i help it... everything is going wrong. ::Sigh:: Yesterday was fun... Chilled with Ron and Nate and Amy. We went to go roller skating at this place in Long Island... but i swear these guys we sooo racist cus everytime we went to walk in the place, the came over to us asking about crap then sayin we can't get in... what the hell was that... Discriminating bastards. Whatever... I feel like doing something today... but blah... I feel like just drving... driving... and driving till i drive off a cliff. It will be pretty soon when i just decide to move to maryland.. I want to but then again i don't want to... I dunno I am so depressed... I will write later.-Q

Woohoo

Yeah so i finally got home.. its like 4 in the morning... over here playin with my cat who all of a sudden wants to be obsessed with me... Today I went to the palisades mall to see if i could find a coat... No luck and it was late by the time i got there. I became saddened by the fact that even the xl coats that i loved didn't fit.. I am on this diet but i dunno.. i need to goto a dietician and a doctor cus i think i am at high risk of gettin diabetes already... I mean all i eat is salad and drink water.. I admit i don't excersize much, but doesn't DDR count a lil? My car has made me lazy but i love her to death. It sucks and now i need to find a job.. I really want to land this mta job so that i can move outta my house... AGH... i need to chant.. meditate... life sucks... why me?! Blah effin Blah-Q

I can't take this anymore..

I am getting tired of being in this house... Every fucking day I have to dish out 20 dollars to some drug addict when i barely have enough money to pay my bills... I come home to the same bullshit everynight and its getting on my nerves... Its bad enough that I am not doing good in school and now i think i have a health issue. WTF.... I am gonna move out if it takes every last penny I have. ARGH!!

First Entry like whoa

Well I finally have a live journal.... Thank you Neil!! Now I don't have to buy one... that woulda been pretty lame... LOL Well yeah I have to goto the bank so i guess i will just post when i get back. Lata- Q