Oh Joy

Well I ave to withdraw from all my classes. Great.. I've been absent to many times per class and it's just not worth it anymore. Why is all this happening to me... Alia has not written me back... but i guess its what i deserve. Last night i talked to Euseff and found out that she has to come home cus her limbs are swollen. That sucks so bad because that just ruins her plans. Why is everything happening like this... Is this the way it is meant to happen? Everything was going great and now... I dunno..I still can't lose wait.. so i've gone to the limit of starving myself. I don't want to throw up every meal but I can't stop eating. I don't have will power for sum reason... I can't resist carbs. So my only other option is to starve myself. People say it makes u fatter... I don't see how it culd make me any fatter. I'm so sick. Mentally, physically. I look at myself in the mirror and cry... I never thought that my weight would make me feel so horrible... And then mentally.. I am so stressed... just being in my house throws me over the top...And now I am not doing good in school... I feel like crying for days... But i hate feeling sorry for myself... Many people would think like... WHY are you so depressed... U have it all. I dunno I just can't be happy anymore.. Where has all my happiness gone and why did it leave in the first place. Last night i applied for K-mart.. probably won't get a call back... no jobs ever call me back.. Why would they want me...I can't do anything good. I need an over night job so bad... I'll take anything but fast food. I want to make enough money so that next september I can move like i want to. Far away from it all. Just leave everybody and be to myself... maybe then I could concentrate. Everybody seems to have their lives together but me. Why is this happening to me tho. Why is it that I am meant to fail... Its not like this is the first time. I could barely finish high school and now i can't finish college before it has even really begun. Whats next?-Q